Pac-Man Fever

Tuesday, June 26th, 2012

Ugh!

There is no better way for me to lead off this rant than with that word. I really wish that I didn’t have to write an article like this. Unfortunately, because of my commitment to expose the worst in computer history, I have to. This song is beyond stupid. It is beyond pathetic. It is beyond anything that a sane person could comprehend. I have never heard of the people who wrote and sang this. Their names are Buckner and Garcia. I can’t think of anything witty to say about their names, so I’ll ignore that for now and say that they are two talentless hacks.

Here is something that I didn’t know. Not only did they turn out the embarrassingly bad (saying it extremely mildly) Pac-Man Fever, they put out a veritable plethora of unfunny, un-witty, worthless garbage video game-related songs. The other songs that they put on their wonderful soundtrack are:

Froggy’s Lament
Ode to a Centipede
Do the Donkey Kong
Hyperspace
The Defender
MouseTrap
Goin’ Berzerk

The total playing time of their soundtrack is 897 hours. If you are a masochist, and want to try something more challenging than taking a bath in molten lava, you might want to order the CD. You can do that here (Yes, I realize this is not a glowing endorsement, but, whatever).

Now that we’ve got that covered, I painfully scrounged up the lyrics to this song. I hope you’re ready, because I’m not. I have found the entire song as an MPEG, but I’m not going to waste precious space on my website putting it here. You can search the net if you really, really want to. So without further brain damage (no, I am losing many cells as we speak), here are the lyrics:

I’ve got a pocket full of quarters,
and I’m headed to the arcade.
I don’t have a lot of money,
but I’m bringing everything I’ve made.
I’ve gotta callus on my finger,
and my shoulder’s hurtin’ too.
I’m gonna eat ’em all up,
just as soon as they turn blue.

Chorus:
‘Cause I’ve got Pac-Man Fever,
Pac-Man Fever
It’s driving me crazy,
Driving me crazy
I’ve got Pac-Man Fever,
Pac-Man Fever
I’m going out of my mind,
Going out of my mind
I’ve got Pac-Man Fever,
Pac-Man Fever
I’m going out of my mind,
Going out of my mind

I’ve got all the patterns down,
up until the ninth key.
I’ve got Speedy on my tail,
and I know it’s either him or me.
So I’m heading out the back door,
and in the other side.
Gonna eat the cherries up,
and take ’em all for a ride.

(Chorus)

I’m gonna fake it to the left,
and move to the right,
‘Cause Pokey’s too slow,
and Blinky’s out of sight.

Now I’ve got ’em on the run,
and I’m looking for the high score.
So it’s once around the block,
and I’ll slide back out the side door.
I’m really cookin’ now,
eating everything in sight.
All my money’s gone,
so I’ll be back tomorrow night.

(Chorus)

You may have thought I was exaggerating when you first started reading this. I’m glad you finally turned to my side. Now that you are educated on the subject, let’s never ever speak of this again.

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